Elation after anxiety

I've been a bit anxious the last few days, anticipating today. I had two appointments this morning. First, I saw my endo for my quarterly check-up and then I met with my thesis chair to review my rough draft. All the while I was missing work, using sick time, expecting to find dozens of projects awaiting me upon return to the office.

Since I've been pumping, (almost two months now) I've had many highs! They haven't lasted too long, but I've seen more 300s and high 200s than I had for many months. So, my A1c wasn't looking good in my mind. One thing I've realized from pumping is that my string of great A1c results were due to many lows! I was using my basal for 70% of my TDD, which meant I was always "almost low." Great for the average, not so great for everyday life. Anyway, I was expecting my lab test to have gone up by half a point or more. My friendly nurse (who was also my pump trainer) gave me the result: 6.2. Cool :) However, I was in that low-all-the-time phase for a good 5-6 weeks of the 3 month period this test covers, so I think the averaging is working in my favor again. Though it's good to know that those highs haven't wrecked havoc on my overall control.

Couple observations at the endo's office:

While waiting to be called in, a young guy, probably around my age (26) came in to get a letter from the doctor to allow him to take his insulin onboard an airplane. He was very friendly to the nurse and mentioned that he called a couple days ago to have the doctor prepare the letter. It seemed like the letter wasn't ready for him. He said, "Oh, no problem. I can always come back for it." He proceeded to wait at least 20 minutes for the doctor to sign the letter.

I thought to myself: Isn't it amazing how type 1 diabetics make room for their disease in their life? I'm sure this guy had better things to do than wait for this letter, but he needs it to do a simple thing like fly in an airplane. He resigned himself to this fact and was perfectly pleasant, if not overly friendly, about having to wait. I too had to wait excessively for the doctor after I met with the nurse, at least 40 minutes. I just read a book I've been needing to finish for my thesis and didn't complain (though I was about to!) What am I going to do? I'm so used to taking this time out of my life to meet with my endo so that I stay healthy, I don't complain about it or expect exceptional service.

It's very interesting the major and minor ways that diabetics, particularly type 1s, have made accomodations for their disease. We have to, I suppose, but it still deserves recognition.

Oh, I also received my flu shot at this appointment. I lied down, as usually, but it was really nothing. Still, I felt accomplished :)

After the doctor's I headed out to SDSU (San Diego State) for my meeting with my thesis chair. This professor has had my rough draft for three weeks. We've met each of the last 4 Wednesdays, and he keeps telling me he'll review it, but hadn't yet! Oh, the frustration! I was anxious about this meeting because I was fairly sure he'd have some feedback for me. I dreaded the idea that he'd respond with something along the lines of, "What are you doing here?! Let's start over!" A bit of an unrealistic fear, but my fear nonetheless. Also, I was afraid of my reaction to his comments. Taking criticism is not something I do particulalry well. I'm a big fan of affirmation :) I've been preparing myself and praying that I would take his comments well.

My fears were indeed unfounded, he gave me wonderful, constructive feedback! I still have A LOT of work ahead of me, but his criticisms were all the things I knew deep down weren't up to par yet. It felt so good (and very stimulating) to discuss my topic indepth with an expert in the field.

To make a long explanation as short as possible, my thesis is on a Chicano community in San Diego called Barrio Logan. I'm writing about the racialization of social space and how it works to disadvantage inhabitants of those spaces along political, class and social lines. Also I'm focusing on the community building activities and cultural identity that activists have created in this neighborhood. I find it very interesting!

Not only was I concerned about my professor's comments on a personal level, but I had set myself a goal of turning in my thesis right before Christmas (there are administrative reasons for this deadline.) If he had a lot of criticisms and suggestions, it would push back my completion date. However, I finally got real with myself this week and realized that, sure I could turn my paper in in a month or so, but it wouldn't be all that great. I've decided to take the extra time and write something that I can be proud of, and that will benefit the community I'm studying.

When I returned to work, nothing much had piled up for me (leaving me time to blog about my day!) I just ran out with a co-worker and got myself a delicious enchilada lunch as a treat for successfully making it through my potentially stressful day!

So, as the title of this post suggests, I'm feeling good!